The Weekend Precap

By Jarrett Felix

Well, I hate to do this to you my friends, but I’ll actually be MIA for the next four days so there won’t be a weekend recap of the action until Wednesday night (in a best case scenario). Please, stop crying. You’re making a scene. I mean, I’m flattered and all, but just reign it in a bit.

To help get you through this stretch of misery, I’ve decided to give a weekend precap. Now the logical question is: what does that mean? You see, my recaps have a pretty distinct formula that you’ve probably all caught up to by now., I can predict exactly how my weekend recap would have sounded had I wrote it. And so that’s what I’m going to write right now. Que the entrance music.

(Big Philly Area Meet)

This weekend, most of the top programs in the state headed over to the (Big Philly Area Meet) to chase some fast times and race some fast dudes. In the 1600, (one runner) picked up a really impressive victory. Considering that (this runner) has had a solid season up to this point (insert some random stats, finishes at states), it’s going to be exciting to see how he continues to improve. Watch out for (the runner who got 4^th in the 1600). He’s got the potential to continue to improve. (Drake reference).

In the 800, we had a couple of the top competitors in the state do battle and, man, did (the runner who won) really make a statement by beating (the runner who got second but etrain clearly thinks should have gotten first). That’s a solid upset and now maybe (the runner who won) can make a claim for a top spot in the state. Could (the runner who won) be state champion come May? It’s literally impossible to know. (Pitch Perfect reference). By the way, watch out for (the guy who won the slower section). If there’s one thing etrain can really get excited about, it’s who won which heat and by how much. Classic train.

(Attempt to make a cool transition that isn’t actually that good). Based on these middle distance results, hard to imagine that (the team who did the best) isn’t going to be in the mix for the relays come (the meet that they are training for next). Gotta like the result from (kinda random runner from kinda random team). They could maybe potentially probably but also most likely not be a factor in (some upcoming qualifying situation) for (some upcoming meet). Stay tuned.

In the 3200, (a guy from LaSalle) did well. So did (a guy from Henderson). Of course, we still have to watch out for (guy from CR North) and (guy from O’Hara).

(Random Small Meet in The Middle Of District 2 or 4. Don’t lie, you don’t know which one is which.)

Here’s a name you need to know: (name of kid whose name you don’t care to know and won’t remember). He’s had some sneaky good results in (some meets that you skipped over in the last two recaps) and I like his potential when he races the big dogs to drop time. Consider him something like Matt Kravitz or Joe Espinal. I’m positive there will be a Matt Kravitz or Joe Espinal reference somewhere in this section. There always is.

(Oh you’ve made it to the second paragraph of the Random Small Meet recap? Good for you! You must be from one of the small districts. Then you are really gonna like the fact that I’m point out dude from the small district who is a monster and dominates this meet. And you are definitely gonna want to tell your friends that etrain agrees with your sleeper pick to go out and make noise at states. Happy to help.)

(Trust the process reference).

(District 3 Meet)

(Obligatory reference to how District 3 doesn’t really do indoor track and now they are finally getting into outdoor track). This meet had Carlisle doing well. You can bet on that. Also did I mention that Noah Affolder is injured and how that changes the landscape for who will win states in basically every distance event! Yes! By this point in the recap it’s probably happened at least four times.

District 3 has some real good 4x800 potential this year. You have to trust in (classic powerhouse middle distance program) and I’m betting on (school that has done well recently, probably Milton Hershey) to continue to excel. They’ve done well recently.

Nice result by (the top sophomore in the race). He’s just a sophomore and really could continue to improve as he matures and trains under the guidance of (a solid coach who coaches at his team). He’s a solid coach.

State College looks like they might be contenders in the 4x800. (Tries to sound bold while saying that State College might be good). (Stat about how they are usually good). (Reference to the commit).

My firstborn child’s middle name will be Carson.

(District 7 Meet)

I can already hear the District 7 people getting upset with me. It’s not even a real recap and he still sticks the WPIAL four meets down? Why does he have to hate on us like this? #staygrinding #derailthetrain #otherthingstotryandconnectwithanincreasinglyyoungerthanhimreadership

Good luck figuring that one out.

Good results from both North Allegheny and Seneca Valley in this one. And you have to like the emerging star (kid who won the 3200, regardless of whether or not he is actually an emerging star). He’s shown some real range considering he also won the 800 at (a meet couple weeks ago). Gotta respect that talent. (Running Diaries reference).

I thought (winner of the 1600) had a solid day as well. But I bet (second place in the 1600) may have even more room to grow. Remember, he’s (obligatory stat) but also (another stat that indicates etrain is getting carried away with the stats) and I’d have to see he really reminds of (a runner that you’ve never heard of and can’t even find through a google search). Honestly, if he runs (time five seconds faster than winning time), I’d say he’s in position to become the best (whatever grade he’s in) since (runner that definitely isn’t real and is totally just a made up name. Or a running diaries reference. It’s hard to tell especially because nobody reads that stuff anyway.)

(Garrett Zatlin reference). #stridereport (Self-deprecating humor)

And that’s all for now. Let me know your thoughts about (result that was obviously the only important thing and probably the only thing you read) and get excited for the Penn Relays in a couple weeks. I’ll have a preview out with some of the individual and team picks on (day that is a couple days earlier than it actually comes out). And I’ll also put together (some kinda cool idea that never actually gets put together) so stay on the lookout for that.

Stay classy,

(One more drake reference or possibly a Steph Curry reference. Hey, where have those gone anyway?)

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