I’m in the prediction business. But I’m not like your typical prediction kinda guy who says things like “the Patriots will win the Super Bowl” or “Will Smith will star in a Netflix movie”. I’m not interested in picking obvious or even reasonable picks out here. These are called bold predictions, not italicized predictions!
The Bold Predictions posts have become a tale as old as time for this blog as my first edition was “Bold Predictions for 2014” which was 16 posts into the existence of this blog (we are now over 1,500 for those keeping track) and they’ve been run back every year since after the first edition’s wild success. This will be the 5th and final year of Bold Predictions so I’ve gotta make these ones count. I feel like I’m going to nail them.
So sit back and enjoy the latest work from the man, myth and legend that is Nostraindamus.
1. The PIAA will officially add a third classification for track
2. Etrain will be mad at that decision, but use the opportunity to remind everyone about 1) a Meet of Champions and 2) running the 3200 at night. Remember, these things must be mentioned at least once a month if my legacy is going to live on!
3. In 2016, there were no outdoor state distance champs from District One. In 2017, there were no XC state team champs from District One. Let’s say that indoors 2018 will have no state champs from District One.
4. Kendrick Lamar picks up the W for Album of the Year at the Grammys
5. Drake picks up the W for Album of the Year in my heart
6. The answer of how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop will finally be answered thanks to a dog named Thomas. People won’t even appreciate Thomas’s achievement as they will just be angry that a person gave a dog a human name like Thomas or Stephen
7. My early picks for indoor state champs on the distance side? CB West, Hoey, Conway, Kujdych, CR North. Yes, I know. But trust me.
8. A few new writers will try out the blog, but then realize the job is not for them. Etrain will take it well.
9. And by take it well, I mean he will curl up in a ball on the ground and cry loudly while reenacting the “everybody leaves me” speech from Friday Night Lights
10. Downingtown West will win the 2018 edition of the XC State Championships
11. As etrain drifts toward retirement, the quality of the blog will continue to fall off. He will resort to increasingly drastic measures to make predictions. For Indoor States, he will throw darts at a dart board. For Outdoor States, he will use Stephen the magic dog.
12. Stephen will choose between a variety of dog bowls with different runners’ jerseys on it and will garner the nickname “Nostrain’sdogmus” and will be on a roll early. However, the plan falls apart when Etrain forgets which bowl is supposed to go with which Winchester Thurston runner in the AA 1600.
13. Ryan Reynolds. I’m not exactly sure what or when. But it’ll happen.
14. It will be revealed that etrain has secretly had a ghost writer helping him with content for the past few years. That causes a writing feud between Train and Penntrack’s own Dan Beck. Etrain tries to prove himself with back to back posts about the DMR, but Beck responds with a virtual met diss track that those who have a milesplit subscription are really pleased with
15. The final post of this blog will occur on July 31st, 2018. It will be titled “19 Years Later”
16. Josh Levin will win this year’s edition of American Ninja Warrior. I won’t give up on you Josh!
17. In a from the grave style move, Etrain correctly picks the 2018 XC State Championships right now in his Bold Predictions for 2018 post: Andrew Healey, Mitchell Rome and Tyler Wirth
18. Etrain may or may not have landed a job as the chairman of District 2.
19. There may or may not be a job called “chairman of District 2”.
20. Once etrain retires from being a track blogger, he will officially commit full time to his newest hobby: being a blogger about other things. He will cycle through a lot of bad train related puns, starting with “No Train, No Gain.”
21. “Pinky and the Train”
22. “Insane in the Etrain”
23. “How to Etrain Your Dragon”
24. “No Train, No Train”
25. “In-Train in the Etrain”
26. Ultimately, he will settle on “If You’re Typing This, It’s Too Late”. A blog which may or may not already exist.
26.2. And finally, a prediction that we have to make come true in 2018: Let’s crack that 1 million view mark! I’ll definitely have an idea for what to do to celebrate! Except for the fact that I definitely won’t!